NASA, Flat Earth, & Related JOKES

Q: How can you tell when a NASA spokesman is lying?
A: Because his lips are moving?

NEWSFLASH: Astronaut Chris Hadfield was confronted at a NASA press conference Yesterday. An angry flat-Earther berated him saying “You’re a fake and a charlatan. The ISS is fake and so are you. You’re nothing but a bare faced liar!” To which Hadfield replied, “No I’m not. I have a moustache!”

During a press conference NASA Administrator Charlie Bolden was asked, “We’ve seen so many pictures of Pluto lately, but when can we expect to see a picture of Uranus?” To which he replied, “Just as soon as I get a new selfie stick and sign up for Tinder!”

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C. It’s called a pencil.

We’ve just had confirmation from NASA that they’ve discovered animal bones on the moon. A NASA spokesman was reported as saying, “Apparently the cow didn’t make it.”

When the general public learn that the Earth is flat, Neil Degrasse Tyson will need a new career and to lay low. He could grow a moustache, start a landscaping business and change his name to “Mow da-grass Tyson”.

Scuba diving skills are to spacewalks as CGI is to NASA’s pictures of space – you can’t have one without the other.

Astronaut Mark Kelly: “Gabby, would you ever consider running for Congress again?”
Hoaxer Gabby Gifford: “Are you kidding? I need that like I need a hole in the head!”

Q: What did Hoaxer Gabby Gifford say when they told her she had been shot in the head?
A: “I have half a mind to quit this job.”

When Hoaxer Gabby Gifford was asked if she would ever consider becoming an astronaut like her husband Mark Kelly she replied, “Oh No! I don’t have a head for heights these days.”